Sunday, May 15, 2011

Giant Beetles, Pterodactyls and Ravens oh my! (April 2007)

Award Wiener of the week.   Me for continuing to watch cheesy Original Sci-Fi Channel movies
In the so bad it was actually a little bit entertaining category  there was

Caved In: Prehistoric Terror  20005  5 out of 10  --only because it was so cheesy and the dialogue so bad that it passed the so terrible it became enjoyable barrier.  Starring Christopehr Atkins  (I'm laughing already--didn't know he was still acting)   Ok so maybe he isn't considering with bad performance.   Some bad guys in search of emeralds hire a top notch spelunker  (gotta love spelunkers)  --((he brings his family along))to help them get the treasure from a cave in Switzerland.    Of course they didn't know about the giant digital killer beetles.   Terrible acting ---terrible scooby-doo cartoon cavern sets------(Hey didn't we see them pass that ore cart several times already)  --they keep uttering the words amazing---(as if by saying that we will be convinced the dull cavern sets are actually amazing)  and terrible ---terrible dialogue  (which made the movie ok)   Did I mention terrible dialogue.
Here are a few samples .   The overacting daughter yells to the mom.  "Miles is missing-- and dad is a thousand feet underground with some Euro Trash Thugs"
Christopher Atkins to bad guys in tense (sorry had to laugh) moment. " Your plan isn't just coming apart. It is being ripped apart by giant bugs"
Anyway the movie was really bad --but somehow I had to keep watching to see what cheese was next and it had a few gory deaths at the pincers of the killer digital bugs.
Here is Netflix page for preview
Next up   Pterodactyl  2005  3
This one was really bad.   Starring a miscast Coolio as the captain of a special ops unit that come across an ill fated scientifici expedition going to look at a volcano on the Turkish Armenian border.   This film was just embarassingly bad.  Let's just saw that if Coolio  (doing a bad Sam Jackson impersonation) is in charge of our special ops ---we are truly screwed.   They come across each other after an unexpected and not really well explained  Pterodactyl  attack.   Several people are brutal shanked by the flying dinosuars and they escape into the safety of the treeline.    And then unexpectedly Coolio guides them back across a open meadow rather than staying amongst the trees so they can be attacked again.  (Huh!)   Great leader.   Needless to say they don't call for help because it is a secret mission.   (I think 5 giant  flying Dinosaurs is reason to call for help ---but whatever)    --Basically almost all the bad actors are killed off in the end after a stupid rescue attempt is made Saving Private Ryan style  (Hey let's sacrifice  5 people to save one person.    One good piece of bad dialogue  ---Coolio yells to prisoner.  "You move and I'll blow your nut sack off"

The final movie   Kaw  2007  5
Kaw was a decent  Hitchcock Birds  Rip-off  starred Sean Patrick Flannery (Young Indiana Jones)  --as a small town police chief on his last day before moving out of town having to deal with Killer Ravens (not talking about Ray Lewis --but the birds)   The plot was solid --they even had a decent explaination of why the birds went nuts ---but killer birds----I don't know killer birds just don't generally do anything for me.  If you like killer bird movies --you may like it.
Here is trailer

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