I was really disappointed by Sharktopus vs Whalewolf. This franchise keeps getting worse and worse. The Sharktopus in the first film was kind of a cool silly concept. The Octopus tentacles allowed Sharktopus to go on land briefly to make a kill. The first movie was fun. Now with Sharktopus 3: it seems they have just become extremely lazy. Beyond coming up with a new hybrid creature for Sharktopus to battle it seems like very little thought went into the rest of the movie. The best scene was a nurse in what looked like a sexy nurse outfit from Halloween being chased by the horrible CGI Whalewolf.
The plot: Sharktopus is on a killing spree again and Casper Van Dien is drunk on a boat just holding onto his last minute of fame. There is also a horrible storyline about a Nazi scientist (played by Catherine Oxenberg whose last minute has already run out ) experimenting on humans and turning an ex steroid abusing baseball player into a hybrid Whalewolf. The Whalewolf is awful and looks like a Scooby Doo monster.
It is part man/part wolf/part killer whale and is a badly animated CGI creature that isn't even remotely scary looking. It was like a terrible gore filled Scooby Doo episode without Scooby and the gang or a mystery or any story that you are invested in at all. I was waiting for Casper Van Dien to capture and unzip the Whalewold Costume and point out that it was Mr Withers all along. Unfortunately this wasn't a Scooby Doo episode. Instead it was a boring display of terrible CGI and bad jokes and cheesy action. The CGI was so terrible that I didn't even care when Whalewolf battled Sharktopus. Seriously Whalewolf is one of the worst movie monsters ever......and that is saying a lot.
Skip this bad shark movie (unless you are a sucker like me) . Watch Sharknado 3 or Roboshark instead. Even 3 Headed Shark Attack was more enjoyable.
The 1st Sharknado --was SO Bad that it was Good. It had terrible editing and its plot was a silly mess. Most So Bad they are Good movies never get noticed by the general public, but social media turned this one into a huge hit for Syfy.
The 2nd Sharknado --fell flat for me. It had huge hype as a result social media hyping it and making it a trending topic. The film itself couldn't create the same SO Bad it is Good vibe. You can't force the kind of bad the first movie achieved on purpose and the 2nd movie got hung up on its cameos. It was still a huge hit for the Syfy channel and extended Ian Ziering's 15 minutes of fame into the 21st minute.
When Sharknado 3 hit this week it has grown into a much bigger thing. Sharknado hit the Syfy channel as a part of Sharknado week. It came along with 5 new Bad shark movies in its wake. Instead of the Syfy channel dropping Bad Shark movie slowly all year long --we got 6 bad shark movies all in one week. Shark overload. Sequels to Megashark, Sharktopus, and 2 Headed Shark hit the airwaves. New bad shark movies like Roboshark and Zombie Shark also premiered. It was like an actual Sharknado hit the TV with Shark movies dropping out of the skies. The social media hype for this Sharknado was out of control.
The movie itself was just great. It wasn't So bad it is Good --but it was actually just enjoyable this time around. Ian Ziering is now a badass and his level of fame from this silly franchise may get him Bruce Campbell like cult status. The franchise is now totally self aware. Like I said with the sequel -you can't create so bad it is good on purpose--it just has to happen. They learned this lesson in Sharknado 3. This movie is even more insane and ridiculous than before --but now the silly and stupid plot is totally with purpose.
It doesn't fell completely pieced together after the fact in the editing room with no idea how the pieces fit together anymore. It has a start and middle and a finish. Thought went into this movie.
Sharknado was an absolutely absurd movie that had the feel of a Robert Rodriquez flick. It still had cameos every couple of minutes --but it didn't hijack the movie this time. The settings were well thought out and fun. Mark Cuban battling sharks in Washington D.C. as the president--was fun.
Sharks landing on rollercoasters and water slides in Orlando - a silly good time. And Sharks in space is having to deal with David Hasselhof --really good cheesy stuff. I loved Sharknado 3 for all the right reasons and I can't wait for Sharknado week next year.
Enjoy Sharknado for what it is .......Good Cheesy fun!
The one thing I will give this movie --is that it was non-stop from the beginning to the end. Just non-stop 3 headed shark carnage.
A mutated shark with 3 heads attacks a research facility that is studying the effects of garbage on marine life. Well apparently the garbage --makes this shark grow three heads and start eating everyone in sight. This shark is literally never full.
The movie should have been called "Let's swim for it" Or "I'll distract the shark". "Let's swim for it" is the worst thing you can say in a Man-Eating killer shark movie and over and over again this proves to be the case. The story of 3 Headed Shark Attack is a stupid movie, but the non-stop bad decision making of the characters and their insistence on "Swimming for It" and self sacrifice make it all worthwhile.
They escape the safety of the land by "Swimming for It" to a tiny boat. Then later they "Swim for It" again to get back on land. Characters jump in the water to "Swim for It" to distract the 3 headed shark again and again after already watching it it everything in sight. Why are these characters so willing to give up their lives? Do they think they are in a video game and will just press start again. They make it to a party boat that the shark keeps bumping people off of and into it's open jaws. This shark can take down an entire party boat --but they keep trying to escape on smaller pontoon boats and fishing boats and keep "Swimming for It"
Danny Trejo is supposedly in this movie and yet only appears occasionally driving his small fishing boat in attempt to rescue the survivors. (SPOILER ALERT). He shows up just in time and using a Machete to chop off the middle head of the creature killing it. (But wait there is still 20 minutes left in the movie) Oh it isn't dead. The creature makes a great recovery from death to eat him while he has a Deep Blue Sea Samuel L Jackson moment. The survivors then get on smaller boats (good decision) They finally decide to try and lure the shark (now growing 3 more replacement heads for the one it lost) back to the garbage area. Supposedly they will confuse the shark into eating it's own heads because of the garbage. This plan works but --not before a couple of more pointless sacrifices that include ex-wrestler Rob Van Dam.
Terrible plot and story: Great effort at piling up as many shark kills as possible. Almost SO Bad it was Good....but still on the bad side.
If you like bad shark movies –then this week on Syfy channel is for you.They are calling it Sharknado Week –which has featured a plethora of old and new bad shark movies.This week alone there are at least 5 new bad shark movies leading up to Sharknado 3: Oh Hell Noand over 10 bad shark movies to check out ending with a Sharknado marathon later in the week.During the rainstorm on Sunday I was able to catch 2 of the new movies –I’m DVRing the rest throughout the week.
So today I’ll discuss those 2 movies in a Bad Shark movie battle.
Roboshark 2015 8 out of 10
SO Bad it was Good!-but they were in on the joke.
Up first was Roboshark—which wasan intentionally bad shark movie.It was self aware of everything that it was doing.The overacting was on purpose….It was tongue and cheek and reminded me on the tone of the movie Big Ass Spider.The ridiculous story involved an alien probe landing in the ocean and being swallowed by a shark –which immediately transforms into a Roboshark.The Roboshark heads for Seattle and starts to wreck havoc.
In the old days Shark movies had to find a reason to keep people in the water after the initial shark attacks.A problem I have always referred to as the ”Jaws Scenario” which usually features the mayor or someone like that declaring that they can’t close the beach –because of all the money the town would lose in tourism.The best joke about this is in the Funny or Die short Shark Pool...
“Just don’t go in the pool”
Well modern day bad shark movies have solved this problem by taking the sharks out of the water.Sand Sharks featured sharks that traveled under the sand like Tremors,Ghost Shark could appear in a glass of water or a slip and slide,Sharknado –just started dumping them out of the sky.Roboshark –uses the sewers to travel and then can show up in a park or coffee shop.The best scene is when Roboshark shows up in the mall.
The visual effects in Roboshark are cheesy—the story is silly and the acting is terribly over dramatic—but they seem to be in on the joke.The story focuses on a TV weather girl trying to break a big story and her husband who works for the water department that ends up tracking the Shark via the sewer alerts.
Roboshark is randomly killing people all over town. Meanwhile the reporter has been taken off the story and decides to take her reporting viral on youtube with the help of her daughter who ditches school to help her. The movie gets super silly after the military and Bill Glates (yes Glates) step in to try and take out Roboshark with no success.I was laughing out loud at some of the silly dialogue in this flick.
The story takes a twist turn…when Roboshark starts following the daughter’s Roboshark page on twitter –the alien intelligence inside Roboshark istrying to communicate and it turns out he is basically just ET wanting to go home….Of course the military tries to destroy it every time they are making progress communicating with it.I get the ET thing –but this ET kills for no reason—so I’m not really sure we should try to communicate with it and help it get home.The over the top acting and dialogue made me laugh and so I enjoyed this intentionally bad shark movie.Not everyone is going to enjoy this silly bad shark movie---but for some reason it worked for me.
Here is the Trailer for Roboshark
Megashark Vs Kollossus 2015 3 out of 10
Megashark Vs Kollossus on the other hand –was just bad. I guess I just feel the need to see every bad shark movie out there.How else can I explain watching this terrible shark movie.None of the Megashark movies have been good.The original caused a sensation on the internet with it’s great trailer that featured a giant shark leaping into the air and taking down an airplane. But the movies have never lived up to the concept. The movie posters are better than the films.The Megashark movies rely on clever editing to try and create tension and excitement where none exists.The movie features a Sam Jackson wannabe –yelling to take out the Megasharkfrom one of the films few set pieces inside a battleship.This film has a cheesy plot that involves some giant man made robot that ends up battling Megahark briefly at the end of this forgettable film—before a pointless plot twist occurs. While watching this film you will ask“Megashark is actually going to fight the cheesy giant robot at some point right”
You get to the fight and it is a total dud.This Megashark is a total bomb.I don’t think I smiled or laughed at this movie once---I just waited for it to end.I was so let down by this bad shark movie that I put off watching Sharktopus vs Whalewolf for another day.
Finally satisfied with having been able to talk about Star Wars Celebration and get it out of my system (Bam) Comic Con in San Diego just kicks off. The past week there has been so much Star Wars news that it could fill several more Podcasts. Since we don't normally focus on Star Wars I would recommend a weekly dose via Star Wars Podcasts such as RebelForceRadio and Forcecast.
Here are 4 things in the World of Star Wars that have happened since we recorded our podcast last week.
1. Han Solo
Literally the day after we recorded the news came out that the directors of The Lego Movie will be getting their hands on Han Solo. With a Han Solo movie slated to hit the movie theaters in 2018. I could probably talk about and discuss this for hours. I have a mix of excitement and worry about this. I'd love to see a young Han Solo movie (after all I've read all the Han Solo books), But seeing someone else play Han Solo is going to be difficult. They better get the casting right.
2. Jurassic World Director to Direct Star Wars Episode 9?
This one is just rumor at this point, but a rumor that is picking up steam quickly. Colin Trevorrow --who I had never even heard of before Jurassic World --definitely was able to give new life to the Jurassic Park Franchise...Why not let him take a crack at Star Wars.
3. Darth Vader may be in Rogue One???
It makes sense in the timeline. Why wouldn't they put Vader in this movie. After all he is the biggest Bad ever to hit the screen and his popularity is through the roof. Just look at how amazing his appearance in the Premiere of Season 2 of Rebels was.
4. OMG Star Wars just dominated Friday at Comic Con
Harrison Ford just made his presence in the Force at Comic Con for the first time ever. My favorite actor of all-time didn't even make the journey to San Diego to promote Indy 4. Lucasfilm brought out all the major players from the Force Awakens to the stage in Hall H. Then they dropped the latest gem in Disney's amazing marketing campaign for the film. This cool behind the scenes glimpse into the World of the Force Awakens. And then they took all of the Comic Con panelists out for a Free Star Wars Concert and Fireworks show in San Diego. How epic is that.
By the time I post this there will probably be more big news coming out of Comic Con---and D23 is just around the corner which will probably bring Star Wars Theme Park news as well.
Let's talk about this developments? Leave a comment---because I can't wait to discuss this huge Star Wars happenings.
The Boondock Saints 1999 6 out of 10 This crime film star Sean Patrick Flannery (Young Indy) and Norman Reedus (Daryl Dixon on the Walking Dead) as Irish brothers that get involved in a battle with mobsters. I'd been curious to see this film a long time ago, because I had heard good things about it and because of the films stars. Last weekend it finally made it to the top of my Netflix queue. The film was interesting because of it's non linear story telling style. You would see a character run into a scene in a panic and then get to see the events that lead to that state. It was a cool technique that lead to an interesting and fresh take on a crime story and some interesting action scenes. Especially interesting was a scene in which the detectives tried to figure out a bizarre crime scene and then getting to see the outrageous scene that lead to that mystery. The scene included Sean Patrick Flannery jumping off a roof and dropping a toilet on one of the gangsters. The two Irish brothers end up involved with Russian gangsters and after dispatching a few of them in a bar fight --set out on a mission to eradicate all the scum from their neighborhood (Daredevil style). One of their friends who is a bag man for the Italian mob is their comic relief and after being set up to be killed joins them in their action packed revenge crusade. The movie had some good action and humor --but the character choice of William Dafoe's detective -took away from my enjoyment of the movie. His character was just strange and out of place and where the director obviously wanted me to laugh at how weird and strange he was it actually just annoyed me took away from the main part of the story. I think if that character had been taken out of the story it could have been told more effectively with less distractions from the better elements of the movie.
I may check out the sequel --but not right away--as I have a bunch of other films in my Netflix Queue to get to first. I have heard rumors of a third film being made. The probably reason for this is Norman Reedus and his new found fame from being on the Walking Dead.