An Ex-Federal (Danny Trejo) gets screwed over and left for dead while doing his job in Mexico. Now he is in the USA and ends up in more troubl. He randomly gets hired to be a hitman which leads to him getting set up and betrayed again. The plot itself is goofy, but that is made up for with the extremely bloody and entertaining action scenes. A machete makes a good weapon for hacking up ones enemies. This was originally one of the fake trailers made for the Grindhouse films (a return to the old B movie exploitation flicks) that Robert Rodriquez and Quentin Tarintino came out with. Machete is the big screen version of that fake trailer. Machete is a fun ride that falls short of being great as a result of some of the silly aspects of the plot, but it is still an enjoyable film.
The best way I can describe this for people that have seen a lot of movies is that it is a cross between Dark City and Serendipity. It is based on a Phillip K Dick short story (Many of my Favorite Sci-Fi films have been. The Sci-Fi Noir Classic Bladerunner. Total Recall and Minority Report to name a few) . Dick's sci-fi books often focus on a normal man in an extraordinary situation against the system. A paranoid existence for his characters like in Total Recall ( a man trying to find out who he really is). He often tackles theology in this books. This movie is no exception. Matt Damon is a man who by accident (much like the main character in Dark City) sees something he isn't meant to see. The powers that be if you may correcting and fixing his destiny. His character is persistent and believes in free will (although he has been told that it is just an illusion). The movie basically follows his efforts to reconnect with a girl his is in love with despite fate (The Adjust Bureau's ) attempts to keep them apart. A cool and interesting look at Destiny and whether it has been prewritten or whether we can make our own destiny......A good thought provoking film....Like many good sci-fi films before it.
Apparently it was the Wrong Box. This British comedy had and all star cast of British Comedians from the 1960's, but failed to live up to the talent of the actors in the film. The plot centered around an inheritance from two brothers that are all that remain from a contest that each of the parents of a group of boys invested in. The last survivor gets the entire fortune. The one dying brother keeps trying to kill off his clueless brother, while the clueless brothers adopted kids think he is already dead and are trying to hide the fact until the other brother dies so they can collect the money. There is a love story as well that is unimportant to the plot. With a cast that includes Michael Caine, Dudley Moore, Peter Cook and Peter Sellers it should have been funnier than it was. Peter Sellers actually still shines in the movie as a down on his luck doctor with a bunch of cats that Peter Cook goes to in order to get a death certificate. The movie comes off like a less inspired episode of Three's Company and comes to a zany end that just didn't impress. Here is Peter Sellers from the film.
I cringed when I saw the ad for the first one (which I have never seen). It was family movie night and my stepdaughter decided that Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 was the movie we were going to be watching after having recorded it on the DVR. I can almost deal with the talking Golden Retriever movies that get churned out again and again. Golden Retrievers are at least cute. Chihuahuas on the other hand are one step above rats as far as I'm concerned. I literally tuned out about halfway through the movie when the Chihuahuas are trying to save their owners parents home that is being foreclosed on. They predictably try and enter a dog show to win a prize (like it is an episode of the Brady Bunch). Then they somehow help to stop a bank robbery. There was nothing interesting about this talking rat movie to me. George Lopez as Papi the dog was just annoying (of course I find the real George Lopez annoying even when he isn't the voice of a dog). Kids love talking animals no matter what they are doing for some reason, so of course the little one enjoyed it. Me NOT SO MUCH. It may as well have been called Talking Rat Dogs 2.
What a terrible shark movie. It should have been called Hillbilly Shark Revenge. A plot that is a about as stupid as stupid can be. A college girl and a bunch of her friends head back to her home town to party at her folks lake house. Well things don't go so well because there are sharks in the lake?? And it turns out the sharks were put in the lake by her Hillbilly ex-boyfriend that wants to get revenge on her and her friends. Now I've seen some silly shark movies like 2 Headed Shark Attack and Sand Sharks, and Sharktopus , but Hillbillies using sharks to get revenge and make Shark snuff films??? I definitely wasn't expecting that when the trailer for this shark movie came out. I mean this one was actually in the movie theaters.....not some direct to DVD or Syfy channel shark effort. Frankly I'd rather watch Swamp Shark or one of the other bad shark movies on Syfy than this boring silly shark movie that was more about the Hillbillies than the actual sharks. I was hoping for something entertaining like Piranha 3-D which is how it was advertised, instead of Hillbilly Shark Snuff.
I can't believe they wasted big money on this with all the unnecessary helicopter shots. Definitely one of the worst shark movies ever and that is saying something.
This 1940's movie plays out like an average episode of the Twilight Zone. The concept behind the story is interesting, but the execution is a little lacking and it could have been done better.
It basically follows several characters in war torn London that die and awake aboard the ship they were waiting to go on. Although this is no ordinary ship as they soon discover during their journey. It is a ship that is basically taking their souls to be judged. Like I said I love the concept of the film, it just probably would have worked better as a Twilight Zone episode instead of a feature length film. Because you realize the characters are dead from the beginning it loses some of the impact that it would have had if this fact was revealed to the audience at the same time as the characters figure it out.
I had passed over seeing this flick because when it original came out. The trailer just didn't capture my attention as a must see movie. It just looked like a bunch of older actors doing a retired spy movie and the concept didn't seem that thrilling. I decided to record it on my DVR since its sequel just came out in theaters and to my surprise the movie was actually really good. The film stars Bruce Willis as an ex spy that has retired and ends up getting sucked back into the business when he shows up on a hit list. After a near death experience at his home he goes on a journey to find out why this is happening. This leads to him meeting up with a girl in the payroll department that he has been talking to over the phone getting her involved in the adventure and meeting up with a bunch of old spy buddies. The supporting cast is full of oscar worthy actors that include John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman and Helen Mirren all of which do a great job. The film is based on a graphic novel so has a little bit of an over the top comic feel to it, which is common in a lot of recent spy movies. The plot moves along at a good pace with witty dialogue between the characters which makes for a satisfying action film. There was a really cool segment towards the end of the film where they pull off a kidnapping that felt like a scene from one of the Oceans Eleven movies. It was a lot better than I had expected it to be
Stallone sure had a great idea. Assembling the most well know action stars from a different era into one movie. The first Expendables was an enjoyable film, but number 2 is even better. The movie knows what it is and executes it almost flawlessly.
It has so much aged testosterone on the screen that the screen itself may blow up. The film kicks off with a great action scene of the group storming some facility in order to rescue someone. There are a lot of explosions and kick ass action scenes that make you feel like you are in a 1980's action movie (where most of these movie stars kicked ass in there own films). The genius of this film is that it assembles all of these stars together. Bruce Willis and Arnold just had cameos the first time around, this time they get to join in the fun. And this time we also get Van Damme and Chuck Norris.....(Seriously you should be drinking a beer and lifting weights just reading about this movie). It gets a little cheesy at times with its self awareness. The movie references lines from the actors other roles with a cheesy wink and nod. I actually loved those cheesy little moments. For example: The group is taking heavy fire in this town in Russia and all of a sudden an unseen figure rescues them. He walks out of the debris and we see Chuck Norris and Stallone greets him and there are a bunch of Chuck Norris jokes about his character. Great Stuff. Sign me up for Expendables 3 right now. The 1980's and early 1990's was the heyday of great action movies and even with some of these actors being older than dirt....they still have it on screen in a weird fun nostalgic way. The movie doesn't even really need a great plot....because the interaction of this larger than life macho action stars is just as good as the action scenes themselves. It reminds me of one of my favorite sports shows on TV Open Court on NBA Tv, where a bunch of great retired players talk about their heydays. I'd love to just watch this group of actors sit around and tell stories from the set of their old movies....getting to watch them altogether on screen is a true joy.
Some the of the individual posters are too good not to share. Here are some of the best ones.
Blast Vegas was just completely terrible. One week after the spectacle that was Sharknado (a terrible movie that was so bad that it was good) we get stuck with Blast Vegas. Starring Frankie Muniz and Barry Bostwick this disaster film was just an awful example of terrible film making. The story was beyond stupid and made no sense whatsoever. The editing of the film was awful with continuity errors left and right. The difference between a movie that is so bad that it is good and a movie that is just so bad that it is almost unwatchable can be a thin line. This one fell into the so bad it is just plain terrible.
The story focuses on a group of college students in Vegas for spring break that accidentally unleash an ancient Egyptian curse via stealing an ancient sword from the hotel lobby and putting it in the sand. This unleashes a boring sand storm in the shape of a giant sand snake. Somehow Vegas is devoid of people for some during most of the movie (because extras cost money) This works in deserted towns or other locations---but Vegas with no people during spring break??? Really? In one scene near the beginning of the film the Statue of Liberty is in ruins and then 20 minutes later all of New York/New York is completely fine. There is a sign in front of it talking about a tiger . (which wouldn't be at New York/ New York), but they thought it would be cool to have a tiger running around after one of the clueless characters that decides to wander around outside for no reason in the middle of this deadly sandstorm. The main group of characters travel around Vegas using underground passages (like they are at Disneyland) with the help of Barry Bostwich playing a cheesy Vegas lounge singer. One second there is a shot of Vegas looking intact, five minutes later it is in ruins and then intact again. The characters then basically just make up a quest for items around Vegas to solve the curse and drive around the completely empty streets going in and out of underground passages as some of them die one by one from boring deaths as a result of the sandstorm. It was the most nonsensical mess of a movie I've ever seen. Sharknado was a mess as well, but a funny and entertaining mess. Blast Vegas as one of my friends pointed out is no Sharknado. All bad Syfy channel movies can now be judged against that standard. "Well it's no Sharknado"
Pictures I took from the DCA before the Premiere in the parks.
The Lone Ranger 2013 9 out of 10
It is a shame that the Lone Ranger isn't doing that great at the box office, when compared to it's budget. The film was a fun and exciting adventure of a movie. Johnny Depp once again nailed it with his performance as Tonto making the movie really enjoyable. It was basically a Pirates of the Caribbean version of The Lone Ranger, which isn't surprising since it was made by the same group of people. I'm not sure if it's lackluster box office is a result of a modern audience just not connecting with the character of the Lone Ranger? Maybe the modern audience doesn't even know who the Lone Ranger is or maybe they just don't care to see this character from old radio dramas on the big screen? Maybe the Hollywood western is truly dead? But pirate movies were dead before Pirates of the Caribbean took over and dominated at the box office so who really knows. The trailers for the movie made it one of the must see summer movies for me, so I don't know why so many other people weren't lining up to see it. Despicable Me 2 (the first of which was just alright in my opinion)--killed it at the box office.
The movie itself was a fun ride that included a heavy dose of humor (kind of like the tone set in the Mummy Franchise).
The plot was good and the over the top crazy action sequences were a blast (literally at times). The finale in particular was incredibly fun. The train scene played out to the classic Lone Ranger music and reminded me of the mine cart scene from Temple of Doom taken to the next level. Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp had great on screen chemistry as Tonto and the Lone Ranger and I would have been up for a sequel had the movie performed well at the box office.
My advice ignore the box office results and go see this fun, entertaining, roller coaster ride of a summer movie.
Zookeeper starring Kevin James was about a nice zookeeper that is trying to win back the girl he proposed to 5 years ago after bumping into her again at his brother's wedding weekend. She dumped him back then because she couldn't see herself being with someone that was just a zookeeper. It was a very predictable story where you can see every plot point coming a mile away. The movie also stars a bunch of talking zoo animals which quite frankly are not really important to the plot at all. The advertisements made me think that it was going to basically be A Night at the Museum, but in a zoo, which wasn't really the case.
It probably would have been a more entertaining movie if it had gone this route. The animals decide to break the code of silence to help him get the girl. The animals have always been able to talk you see and just don't because it will freak humans out. It borrows from the concept of Toy Story, where once the humans are away the animals all hang out together and talk. They animals talking is really not important to the story and we could have had pretty much the exact same story without the animals talking and giving him dating advice and it wouldn't have been much different.
The highlights of the movie surround Kevin James doing pratfalls like crashing into the ice sculpture at the wedding and riding a silly kids bike in an attempt to win back the girl on a pre-wedding event. And the scene where the gorilla gets to go to TGIF's is funny as well. It was a decent family movie, but nothing extra special
A group of zoo animals decide to break their code of silence in order to help their lovable zoo keeper find love -- without opting to leave his current job for something more illustrious.
Jason Bateman playing the same exact character that he always plays (but quite well as always) ends up getting his identity stolen from a foul mouthed Melissa McCarthy. In a far fetched plot Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman's character) ends up having to track down the identity thief himself in order to save his new job (It doesn't make sense, but just go with it) This ends up giving us a story that is a twist on the Planes, Trains, and Automobiles story line with Melissa McCarthy in a twisted version of the the John Candy role. The cross country road trip leads to action and comedy that entertains, but never really reaches the greatest that was Planes, and Trains. The movie is at its best whenever the 2 characters are exchanging insults and lies and Jason Bateman's well practiced reaction shots. Melissa McCarthy is on a role lately ever since her role in Bridesmaids she has become a star, not only on the big screen, but with a popular TV show as well.
Axe Giant: The Wraith of Paul Bunyan 2013 4 out of 10
The movie that answers the question that no one was asking.....What if Paul Bunyan was an evil axe murderer?
Paul Bunyan is real and alive still in this silly bad horror movie and he gets really pissed after some delinquent kids at a boot camp come across and steal Babe the Big Blue Ox's horn. This leads to a murderous rampage by Paul Bunyan that looks nothing like the Disney version. This Paul Bunyan looks more like a giant bearded version of Sloth from Goonies. He wields his mighty axe and several people die in digital gore. That pretty much sums up this very average bad horror movie. For every Sharknado hidden gem of So bad it is Good movies....there will be dozens of movies that are just bad like this one.
The Aliens have been shooting down our rocket tests and after an attempted landing to have a talk where we immediately killed one of their silly looking Styrofoam suited spaceman they are now out to obliterate us. This sci-fi film with effects by the master Ray Harryhausen is clearly one of the inspirations for Mar Attacks (also inspired by the Mars Attacks card set). Shoot at this aliens and they will vaporize you with lasers.
The plot of this movie is standard alien invasion stuff. It is the blue print for many of the alien invasion movies that followed and is a must see for that factor. Being from the 1950's it doesn't hold up all that great watching the models of Flying Saucers take out models of the capitol, but it is an effective sci-fi story from that era.
"The beach stays open" --said the Mayor of pretty much every shark movie.
Shark Zone is the 3rd sequel in the Shark Attack movie series. The dialogue and acting is terrible. The shark attacks are pretty standard and plentiful. It uses the infamous Jaws Scenario which is the mayor doesn't want to shut down the Beach Fiesta even though there have been a plethora of shark attacks. Beach Fiesta's in shark movies is never a good thing for people in and around the water. The main character has a history with sharks and just like in Jaws is super concerned about sharks, yet no one listens to him until it is too late. We also get the standard "Get out of the water" scene which is typical of this era shark movies. The movie eventually gets sidetracked on a side plot concerning a Russian that wants the hero to take him to a sunken ship (where he lost his father to a shark 10 years earlier). He doesn't want to go so they kidnap his son to encourage him. This kidnap story takes us away from what could have been a better, yet more predictable ending with carnage at the Beach Fiesta. So the movie kind of ends with a thud since the massive shark eating people storyline is left in the dust in favor of a save my kid from the Russians story.
The Trailer has pretty much the entire dialogue that every shark movie steals from Jaws which I like to call "the Jaws Scenario"
Sharknado is hands down the best Shark/Tornado movie ever made. I'm sure it is the only Shark/Tornado movie ever made, but that makes it the best right? This is the gem that I search for when watching bad shark movies. Like Hammerhead Shark Frenzy it quickly turned from a bad movie into a SO BAD it is Good movie. They knew what they were doing and had me hooked at the title of Sharknado. It is just a fun movie title to say. With all of the crazy, silly monster movies that get churned out each year since CGI made bad monster movies possible again, why not a movie that combines the disaster films with bad shark movies? Why not indeed? Sharknado could be the first in a whole new genre. Gatortwister anyone? How about SnakeQuake? It is really brilliant if you think about it. With a movie title like Sharknado it will attract all the people that like bad disaster movies and all the people like me that can't get enough of bad shark movies. Genius!
The movie stars Ian Ziering of 90210 fame (I'm glad to see that Steve got a job after finishing high school at age 32). Apparently Steve has changed his name to Finley (of course Fin) after all it is a shark movie. Finley is a surfer that owns a bar on the Santa Monica pier SPOILER ALERT (well until a storm destroys it with giant waves and sharks flying through windows). He spends the rest of the movie trying to save his family from the silly storm of the century that is raining down sharks all over Los Angeles. I actually liked Ian Ziering is this ridiculous role. It was like journeying back to a Chuck Norris movie from the 80's.
Who needs a coherent plot when the title of your movie is Sharknado??? The plot is insane and the logic of the anything that happens in the movie is completely non existent (kind of like Sharknados). Of course with a title like Sharknado you have to leave all concepts of logic at the entrance to this amusement park ride of a silly, bad shark/tornado movie. The screenplay seems to be something pieced together from a pot smoking idea session.
Let's listen in on thewriting session for this flick:
Writer #1 "Wouldn't it be great if it was raining sharks?"
Writer #2 "Put it in the story dude"
Writer #3 "How about a scene where Ian Ziering in the middle of trying to get his family out of the city stops to rescue an entire school bus of kids Chuck Norris style"
Writer #2 "Sure dude that sounds awesome....Like something out of that classic movie Invasion USA, man"
Writer #1 "Dude at one point he can have a chainsaw and a shark can totally take out a shark falling out of the sky"
Writer # 2 " And a bunch of sharks can land in a swimming pool at an old folks home"
Writer # 3" Wait dude....Why would the old folks be out at the pool during a giant Sharknado?"
Writer # 2 "Dude.... who cares man it will look cool just put it in the script man "
That pretty much sums it up. Add Tara Reid as his ex wife, who at this point would struggle to act her way out of a paper bag and you get the movie magic that is Sharknado. A movie that makes no sense what so ever....but is a fun and incredible ride. One second it is raining and the roads are clear....next second the streets of Beverly Hills are flooded and sharks are leaping through the windows of a house that is somehow completely flooded and then blows up. Nothing makes any sense in this movie, but it doesn't matter. Sure why not try and stop the Sharknado by flying a helicopter into the air and drops homemade bombs into it? It makes sense to me, NOT. What did you really expect by a movie title Sharknado?? that it would make sense? Really??? They knew what they were doing and pulled it off better than Sharktopus did. Another great movie title that made it a must watch for bad movie lovers. Sharknado will go down in my books as one of the best SO BAD IT IS GOOD movies I've seen in awhile and it will keep me coming back to Syfy channel for more crap in search of more gems like this one.........I can't wait now for Blast Vegas.....sounds terrible....delightfully terrible.
I guess the title would be a good suggestion when watching this movie. Just Go With It...because the plot is absurd....In real life nobody would just go with the leaps of faith you have to take in order to believe the stories plot line.....But putting that aside--and "Just Going With It" the film turned out to be a lot of fun. Adam Sandler is in his watered down less annoying mode for this film and Jennifer Aniston is gorgeous and delightful. I'm a big fan of the TV show Friends and have always thought Jennifer Aniston was very talented --(she just hasn't picked the most successful films in her post Friends career. This was one of her better films.]The film follows Sandler's character, a plastic surgeon who discovered after a bad almost marriage years ago that wearing a wedding ring was a great way to pick up chicks. Unfortunately a girl that he falls in love with while not using his trick finds his wedding ring in his pocket and let's just say it like Ricky Ricardo "Lucy . you got a lot of splaining to do" He makes up a fake story about being in the middle of getting divorced and ropes Jennifer Aniston to be his fake wife. Well anyone can see where this story is going from there, but the ride (although not believable at all--especially how quickly he is ready to marry said girl (Brooklyn Decker of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit fame). The fake situations are enjoyable to watch as is Sandler's best buddie Nick Swardson (of the gay guy on roller skates Reno 911 fame). So all in all a very good (implausible and predictable) romantic comedy in an era where so many romantic comedies don't cut it. My advice.....Just Go With IT
Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz star in this action/spy/comedy. Cruise basically plays a comic book version of his Ethan Hunt Mission Impossible character and Diaz stars as the random girl that gets caught up in his adventures. The film was fun despite being like a cartoon version of a spy film. It is more a comedy than a true action film although there is quite a bit of action in the film. It starts out with a silly bit of action on an airplane where every passenger other than Cameron's character is an agent trying to kill Cruise's character. He takes each one of them out while Cameron is in the restroom completely unaware of the Austin Powers like melee happening aboard the plane. The action was so over the top to the point of complete unbelievability (especially with some of the bad CGI), but yet it was still a fun film as long as you don't take it seriously. The drawback of being so over the top silly is that you definitely never feel that the characters are ever really in danger like say in a Bond film where characters can die. If you can embrace the silly cartoonish nature of the film then the bad CGI running of the bulls on a motorcycle actually becomes an enjoyable scene. If you are looking for Mission Impossible 3 you may be disappointed, but if you just want a fun silly action comedy than check it out.
After the American remake of the Japanese movie Ringu with The Ring it became popular to remake a bunch of the creepy Japanese horror movies. The Pulse is another example of this trend in that it is a remake of a popular cult Japanese horror movie Kairo from 2001. I liked both the first Ring and the first The Grudge, The Pulse didn't capture my attention the way the other 2 remakes did. The Pulse stars cutie Kristen Bell (of Veronica Mars fame) as a college student whose boyfriend mysteriously hangs himself. It turns out that like The Ring in which everyone that watched a video tape seemed to die this time around it is a computer virus that seems to be opening up a frequency that lets ghosts into our world. An interesting concept that just fell flat in being entertaining. The entire movie appeared to be shot through a dark blue lens almost like they were shooting day for night the entire time. The movie failed in my opinion to be scary at all and it felt like they were trying to force a creepy feel to the film that it didn't really have. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, since anything that makes any money gets a sequel, but this one really didn't deserve one.
The Dark Knight Rises made me wonder if Batman hasn't gotten too dark. I found myself 2 hours into this big budget Batman movie wondering why Batman isn't fun anymore. Batman was trapped at the bottom of some jail doing push ups like a training scene from a 1980's Rocky movie, while the main villain Bane was mumbling through a mask while terrorizing the city of Gotham. I actually missed the Adam West's Batman for a moment at this point, because I was wanting Batman to be at least a little bit of a comic book movie instead of a dark look at terrorism and class warfare. The movie has a great cast of amazing actors that for me felt mostly wasted in this third movie in the Dark Knight Batman series. One of the great things about the previous movie was the excellent performance by Heath Ledger as the Joker. Unfortunately Tom Hardy as Bane is hidden behind a mask the entire movie, which leads to scenes of Bane and Batman mumbling at each other (I still can't stand Bale's annnoying Batman voice). The movie is way too long, which left me bored by the time anything interesting happened near the ending. The ending itself was well done, I just didn't care as much by the time it rolled around. I just felt that Batman is maybe taking himself just a little too seriously and becoming too dark to where it isn't enjoyable anymore. I'm not saying bring back the Zoinks and Blaps of the Adam West Batman, but maybe Tim Burton had it right with Batman. Tim Burton's first shot at Batman was dark and gothic, yet still had that element of fun that the original comic books and Batman TV series had. I know it is probably not a popular opinion, but The Dark Knight Rises was kind of a disappointment for me.
Remember the last time Batman was running around trying to get a bomb away from the city? Here it is speed up with Benny Hill music