3 Headed Shark Attack:. 2015 6 out of 10 Bad Shark movie review

3 Headed Shark Attack 2015 6 out of 10

I guess Three Heads are better than Two.  

The one thing I will give this movie --is that it was non-stop from the beginning to the end.  Just non-stop 3 headed shark carnage.   

A mutated shark with 3 heads attacks a research facility that is studying the effects of garbage on marine life.   Well apparently the garbage --makes this shark grow three heads and start eating everyone in sight.  This shark is literally never full.

The movie should have been called "Let's swim for it" Or "I'll distract the shark".    "Let's swim for it"  is the worst thing you can say in a Man-Eating killer shark movie and over and over again this proves to be the case.  The story of 3 Headed Shark Attack is  a stupid movie, but the non-stop bad decision making of the characters and their insistence on "Swimming for It" and self sacrifice make it all worthwhile.    

They escape the safety of the land by "Swimming for It" to a tiny boat.    Then later they "Swim for It"  again to get back on land.  Characters jump in the water to "Swim for It" to distract the 3 headed shark again and again after already watching it it everything in sight.   Why are these characters so willing to give up their lives?   Do they think they are in a video game and will just press start again.   They make it to a party boat that the shark keeps bumping people off of and into it's open jaws.  This shark can take down an entire party boat --but they keep trying to escape on smaller pontoon boats and fishing boats and keep "Swimming for It"  

Danny Trejo is supposedly in this movie and yet only appears occasionally driving his small fishing boat in attempt to rescue the survivors.   (SPOILER ALERT).     He shows up just in time and using a Machete to chop off the middle head of the creature killing it.   (But wait there is still 20 minutes left in the movie)  Oh it isn't dead.   The creature makes a great recovery from death to eat him while he has a Deep Blue Sea  Samuel L Jackson moment.   The survivors then get on smaller boats (good decision)   They finally decide to try and lure the shark (now growing 3 more replacement heads for the one it lost)  back to the garbage area.   Supposedly they will confuse the shark into eating it's own heads because of the garbage.   This plan works but --not before a couple of more pointless sacrifices that include ex-wrestler Rob Van Dam.

Terrible plot and story:  Great effort at piling up as many shark kills as possible.   Almost SO Bad it was Good....but still on the bad side.

Definitely better than 2 Headed Shark Attack-

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Rise of the Zombies 2012 4 out of 10 (Zombie Movie Review #3)

Rise of the Zombies  2012   4 out of 10

It starts out promising with some over the top bas Asylum special effects that include a car tumbling out of control down Lombard street in San Francisco and then a small zombie uprising on Alcatraz.  Here is a rundown of what is good and bad about this zombie film.

List of what I liked in the movie:

1.  The Best thing in the movie was Danny Trejo who has carved out a niche for himself ever since he started showing up in Robert Rodriquez movies.  He would of probably ended up a forgotten supporting actor and now stars in C movies as well as the occasional theatrical release.  Watching him kick zombie ass is entertaining.

2. Some of the cheesy, over the top bad Asylum special effects can be entertaining.  The car crashing in Frisco and the later Red Car Trolley crash were funny for their cheesiness.

3.  The movie attempted to bring in some known actors to the cast Mariel Hemmingway, Danny Trejo, French Stewart,  Ethan Suplee and LeVar Burton--which added a little bit to the movie.

Things I didn't like:

1.   The pacing  at the start  of the movie was decent and I had hopes it might actually be fairly entertaining , but then it got worse and the story began to drag once they left the prison.  All Zombie movies will now suffer in comparison to the Walking Dead.  The first 2 episodes of this years The Walking Dead blow away anything in this zombie movie.  It is hard to walk badly choreographed fight scenes in a movie while we get kick ass scenes like Zombies falling through the ceiling on a TV show. 

2.  The Zombie makeup felt like it was almost an after thought.   You feel like you are at a local zombie walk instead of watching a zombie movie.

3. If you are going to do a zombie apocalypse movie where supposedly the streets are empty---don't use helicopter shots of the city that clearly show cars driving around like it is a normal Sunday afternoon.   There  were several flaws like this that were noticeable.

4. Despite the list of known actors they really added nothing to the film, since the rest of the acting and dialogue were so poor.   I really didn't need to see Levar Burton trying to get all serious in this low budget Zombie movie.   It isn't Roots Levar....embrace the cheese.

All in all it I give it about a 4 out of 10  for being just an average nothing special zombie movie.   At least it wasn't as bad as Day of the Dead 2.

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Machete 2010 8 out of 10

Machete  2010   8 out of 10

An Ex-Federal (Danny Trejo)  gets screwed over and left for dead while doing his job in Mexico.  Now he is in the USA and ends up in more troubl.   He randomly gets hired to be a hitman which leads to him getting set up and betrayed again.   The plot itself is goofy, but that is made up for with the extremely bloody and entertaining action scenes.  A machete makes a good weapon for hacking up ones enemies.   This was originally one of the fake trailers made for the Grindhouse films (a return to the old B movie exploitation flicks) that Robert Rodriquez and Quentin Tarintino came out with.   Machete is the big screen version of that fake trailer.   Machete is a fun ride that falls short of being great as a result of some of the silly aspects of the plot, but it is still an enjoyable film.