Heebie Jeebies 2013 3 out of 10

Heebie Jeebies   2013   3 out of 10

As bad syfy channel movies go this one is pretty bad. 

Starring no one I have ever heard of in a movie where  there is a gold mine that some greedy slime ball has reopened in search of his greed for gold.   Well apparently his ancestors were just as greedy and as a result 5 Chinese Mine workers back in the day died in the mine and a witch did a spell that created one of the goofiest looking movie monsters ever.  A creature that looks like some kind of digital turtle person with 5 heads and a giant stomach with teeth that when it attacks people has the special effects blood experts working overtime.    The movie has below average acting and writing and the digital monster is not even remotely scary because it looks so bizarre.   This movie didn't give me the Heebie Jeebies at all,   I made me want to take a nap.

Bone Eater 2007 4 out of 10

Bone Eater 2007  5 out of 10

What do you get when you cast Tron, Buck Rogers,  Checkhov from Star Trek,  and the Greatest American Hero in a movie with a cheesy digital Skeleton????  You get a cheesy sci-fi movie with a digital skeleton .  The digital skeleton has horns like Darth Maul and one touch from him makes humans digitally disintegrate.  It breathes green mist and rides a ghost horse as it murders everyone in sight.   The movie was shot up near Bishop and Lone Pine  (gas stops on the way to Mammoth Lakes) which once saw a lot of filming in the Alabama Hills back in the Western movie days.

There is even a Movie museum there that is worth checking out if you every make it up that way and are a Western movie fan.

Here is a blog about the museum I did awhile back.

http://bradgeekness.blogspot.com/2011/05/lone-pine-film-museum-november-2007.html

Okay back to the Bone Eater or The Cheesy Skeleton as the movie could have been called. 

The Sci-Fi start heavy cast mentioned at the beginning really adds nothing to the film.

Checkhov and William Katt just have cameos as minor characters and Gil Gerad (Buck Rogers) looks so old I didn't even recognize him until half way through the movie.   Bruce Boxleitner actually does a decent job as the  half breed  sheriff of the small town where all of these bad digital skeleton killing takes place....  A lot of people die in cheesy fashion until Bruce finally gets in touch with his half breed Indian roots  puts on some war paint and walks out into the middle of the highway   to take on the Skeleton on a g  with some special Tomahawk in  (Spoiler Alert)  one of the most anti-climatic battles in movie history.

Bad quote of the movie  " You hear so much as an owl fart  --shoot first and ask questions later"    Classic....

Raiders of the Seven Seas 1953 5 out of 10

Raiders of the Seven Seas  1953 5 out of 10

Raiders of the Seven Seas  stars John Payne and Donna Reed as a notorious pirate and a Spanish Countess.   It is a typical of the old school pirate movie.  There are  cheesy sword battles scattered throughout a lackluster story that meanders with no real purpose.  Barbarossa the pirate steals a ship and frees some slaves at the beginning of the film after romancing a Sultan's harem girl.   He then does what pirates do, robbing and stealing and gathering treasure.  He takes the Countess as a prisoner for ransom and she hates him at first and then eventually falls in love with him.   Most of the old school pirate movies just feel exactly the same.  Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl really changed the genre.  It was everything a pirate movie should and could be and when compared to the old school pirate movies where the sword fights look like something from a play....the old pirate films just don't hold up.

Here is a sample of some of the Pirate action

  

Super Bowl Movie Trailer Grades 2013 1st half of game

Super Bowl Movie Trailer Grades

The Lone Ranger     B+

The movie will definitely be one of my must see movies for 2013 --just because of Johnny Depp and Gore directing.   The trailer was good---but I actually liked some of the previous trailers better

World War Z D+

It looks like an overly Digital Zombie Mess......Skip it an watch Walking Dead

Oz The Great and Powerful    A+

I just hope the movie is as good as the trailers have been.   It looks incredible,  but I'm not a big James Franco fan.

 Fast and Furious 6   B

Really the Fast and Furious 6???   Well the trailer actually made it look pretty good and it does have the Rock in it

Star Trek into Darkness  C

Really another Khan wannabe.....come up with something new already.....I'll probably see it, but I don't have high hopes for what I call Alternate universe Trek

Spaceflight 1C-1 1965 6 out of 10

Spaceflight 1C-1 1965  6 out of 10

Spaceflight 1C-1 is a low budget Sci Fi film out of England that follows the adventures of a deep space flight into the outer reaches to establish a new earth.  This short film i basically using the Sci-Fi setting  as a background for story about free will versus dictatorship and government control.  Nothing really exciting takes place on screen, it is mainly dialogue driven film.  The crew has been selected specifically for the mission.  Husband and wife teams that are only allowed to have kids when they gets orders to.  The crew wear name badges that say their job rather than their names.  One of the crew comes down with an illness and the crew wants to head back so that she can be cured.  The captain under orders refuses to head back --The Rule which gives him his orders doesn't want the new population to have disease in their DNA that will start the new earth.    When she is denied permission to have another child she ends up taking her life which starts a chain of events that leads to mutiny and the crew choosing free will over the government controlled life for their future.    Although the film played out like a TV episode of rather than a movie the underlying subject matter was worth the otherwise underwhelming nature of the film.

I

Snow Beast 2011 vs The Abominable Snowman (A Battle of bad Yeti movies)

Let the Battle of 2 more bad Yeti movies begin

Up first    Snow Beast 2011  2 out of 10

Starring John Schneider (of Dukes of Hazard fame)  as a researcher trying to research the Canadian Lynx.  Instead he stumbles across  the worst  looking Yeti or Bigfoot to be put on the screen since silent movie days.  I'm so used to cheesy digital monsters these days that when a movie goes old school and puts a man in a rented  white Yeti/ Gorilla costume where the zipper is visible in the back and has him rolling around on skates in the background it is really shocking.   The movie is really dull with boring dialogue scenes between John Schneider's character and his daughter as he repeatedly tells her to stay behind...and then scenes of the silly man in a gorilla costume  that could have been used in an Ed Wood movie attacking people.   The researchers couldn't even guess what made those  ape like tracks in the snow----really?  They are animal researchers and they mistake Yeti tracks for possibly a bear?   This movie  was just really --really bad and John Schneider is gathering a pretty impressive list of cheesy +Syfy  movies including 2 bad shark films, a terrible Yeti movie and an Ogre film.....and I haven't even seen him in Return of the Killer Shrews yet.

Oh here is the exciting Snow Beast --that looks like they glued some horrid mask on a gorilla costume.

Up next in our battle  

The Abominable Snowman 2013

5 out of 10 

When I first think Abominable Snowman I think of the  silly character from the Ruldolph the Reindeer stop motion classic,  definitely not some killer half wolf looking creatures that flash across the screen so fast you can barely see them.   That is what we get in this movie.  A guy returns to the moutain that his dad died on years ago to take out the snowy bastard that killed his dad.    Not a great plan.   When he gets lost his sister and a bunch of military friends go up on the mountain in search of him  (or for a snowboarding trip---it is really unclear since their search includes skiing without much of an actual search).   Well they find him and some Abominable friends and a battle for survival occurs with several bloody digital deaths.  As Yeti movies go I've seen much worse.....(Snow Beast,  Rage of the Yeti,  the list goes on)  The Abominable Snowman wasn't good---but as I continue to search I've haven't seen a good Big Foot/Yeti movie yet.....and thanks to Syfy the search will probably continue for quite awhile.   As the trailer says,  "What exactly are we dealing with here?"  Apparently  yet another bad Yeti movie.

To learn more about bad Yeti Movies----Go here

http://bradgeekness.blogspot.com/2011/07/great-yeti-blog-feb-2009.html

My movie facebook page can be found here.....

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Brads-Super-Fantastic-Terrific-Page-of-Movies/178708865473822 

Rock Monster 2008 4 out of 10 (Silly Cheese)

Rock Monster 2008    4 out of 10

A college student is lured  to a little town in Europe where he has supposedly inherited a house.   Their bus breaks down and as they hike to the village they come across a sword in a stone.  The sword is pulled out of the stone by our main character but instead of becoming a king of something he unleashes a giant cheesy digital Rock Monster.   The movie plays out like a bad  episode of Hercules or Xena---but not as funny.  It is a silly movie from start to finish.   The movie even has a  Jaws moment --where the crusty old drunk general steps up in the town meeting to declare that they take on the monster.    So what we get from this point on is a bunch of cheesy corny acting, a Rock Monster stomping around while people shot bullets at it and our hero swinging his sword at it.   The movie should have embraced its level of cheese more fully and just gone for laughs.