Ginger Clown 2013 3 out of 10

Ginger Clown 2013   3 out of 10

The title of this strange horror film caused me to stop while I was flipping by on the TV . The description made me record it for later  It was described as teens in an abandoned Theme Park realize it is over run by monsters---(which being a Scooby Doo fan got my attention).   I was expecting a film that was along the lines of  Thrill Ride or the 1980’s horror flick Funhouse, unfortunately I got something else.  

The movie starts out with some jock  named Biff (Back to the Future anyone)  that is parked at make out point that decides to bully a nerd from his school that is riding by on a bicycle.  
 It set a mood that felt like something out of Toxic Avenger ---but after this initial scene the movie goes downhill into bizarroland.    The nerd is challenged to spend 3 hours in an old abandoned Theme Park….his girlfriend that is upset at the Bully decides to accompany the nerd.    The concept for the movie held a lot of potential ---but the strange story and weird darkness of all the shots made for a messy and strange film.   It was listed as a Horror Comedy ---I guess they forgot the comedy part.  
 The movie featured a bunch of terrible looking Paper Mache looking Monsters.  The budget must have been small for this flick…despite the fact that it featured several knows Hollywood actors like Tim Curry voicing the strange pointless creatures.   The main villain of these strange creatures was a giant Puppet looking Clown called the Ginger Clown. Other creatures included a talking foul mouthed tea pot and a spider creature.     Nothing in this weird film was ever really explained –and it definitely wasn’t scary.   
I’d say that Ginger Clown is definitely a forgettable horror movie. 
I wish Scooby Doo and the gang would have showed up to uncover what was beneath the absurd looking monsters.

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Drive Thru 2007 6 out of 10

Drive Thru 2007 6 out of 10

I was flipping through channels over the weekend and passed Chiller TV and saw a quick blurb about a movie that said something like "A bunch of High School teenagers must save their town from a Killer Clown that works at a fast food restaurant".   I had to record this of course (expecting it to be absolutely terrible)  but it had me at Killer Clown working at a Fast Food restaurant which makes it a possible so bad it is good movie.   

The movie opens with a bunch of punks pulling into a late night fast food drive thru.  The punks and their death scene is something straight out of Toxic Avenger as they break into the fast food restaurant and die in a gory way at the hands of a Clown with a head that has a speaker box for a mouth and an outfit straight out of the band KISS's closet.   The movie is just an average horror flick peppered with some decent kills -like the cool scene in a Haunted Funhouse ride. The killer clown has some decent cheesy one-liners which also make the film watchable.

 The story basically features a group of kids that are getting killed off by this Killer (Rock N Roll) Clown that is the evil looking mascot from a burger chain called Hella-Burger.  Think if Krusty The Clown from the Simpsons had a evil baby with Jack from Jack n'the Box. The story itself is an often used plot straight out of Nightmare on Elm Street or similar revenge stories.   A character that had been bullied or "Killed" by a group of teens in the past takes out his revenge on the children of those teens that hurt him.  Don't expect anything new or original here, but you may enjoy it if you are fan of evil clowns. 

The acting in the movie is decent. The lead actress Leighton Meester has actually been in a bunch of other things since then and she makes for a good lead character.

Here is the trailer

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Attack of the Sabre Tooth: 2005 2 out of 10

Attack of the Sabre Tooth  2005   2 out of 10

Attack of the Sabre Tooth has to be one of the the worst in the Jurassic Park Rip off genre.  The story features a greedy owner of  a island zoo and hotel  called "Primal Park" that will feature some Genetically cloned Sabre Tooth Tigers.   Well as you can guess he invites some investors to check out the place before it opens and everything goes wrong.  The bad CGI tigers are on the loose and start killing off some college kids that sneak into the unopened zoo section on a frat scavenger hunt.  The plot has the typical "Jaws Scenario" moment where the owner is warned to shut down the resort while the tigers are on the loose, but instead because of money keeps it open anyway.   The CGI tigers look unfinished --but this is a low budget film from 2005 so I'll give it a pass.   It also using the "When in doubt of how scary your monsters are always resort to Predator vision" concept of trying to create tension.  The plot however is just all over the place and really boring.  Bad dialogue and unnecessary and out of place scenes are abundant.  For example --the dangerous tigers are already on the loose and killing people at the beginning of the film and then the college kids break into the zoo and cut the power.  It is almost like the film makers forgot that the tigers were already on the loose and felt the need to create a 2nd reason that they were on the loose??   After being warned by his lackluster security which features a horny (Stacy Haiduk from Seaquest hat seduces one of the employees for no apparent reason in the middle of the crisis)  the greedy owner takes  his investors on a tour of the zoo area ----and none of them get killed???  It is almost like they tried to piece together parts of the movie in editing and it just didn't work. 

Watch the Trailer and skip  this cheesy low budget Jurassic Park rip off.   

Instead check out Age of the Dinosaurs 2013  a much more exciting cheesy Jurassic Park rip-off

 http://bradgeekness.blogspot.com/2013/09/age-of-dinosaurs-2013-7-out-of-10.html

Or Mummy Theme Park  one of the best  SO BAD That it is GOOD movies ever.

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13 Eerie 2013 5 out of 10

13 Eeire 5 out 10

The movie is about a group of forensic students that are taking a field test with their teacher  (Played by Michael Shanks --of Stargate SG1 fame).   This field test takes place on a remote island where apparently some illegal biological testing took place on some dangerous criminals. I recorded this film on the DVR off of Chiller TV  ---(the TV channel for low budget horror movies that back in the day we would find at local Music Plus VHS rental store). It was described  as a bunch of students that come across mutant creatures.  The movie was a mixed bag of The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.


The Bad

1.  The movie got off to a slow start establishing the forensic students taking their tests on corpses at this remote location.  The movie took its time setting 
up the story. 

2.  The movies description wasn't very accurate as its budget didn't really allow for an island full of mutant creatures.   I was expecting actual creatures.....not just a couple of prison inmates in what looked like muscle bound Toxic Avenger makeup.    I was really hoping to  see a bunch of weird creatures.

3. It was the typical:   It isn't a zombie movie----but it is really a zombie movie plot.    Just because you call something a mutant creature,  doesn't mean that it isn't just a zombie.   I mean they are undead  (zombie)---if they bite you ...you turn into one of them  (Zombie) they crave human flesh (zombie).  If you are going to make a Zombie movie ----just call it a Zombie movie.    Of course a lot of low budget Zombie movies like this that can't afford a bunch of extras  --call themselves non-zombie movies so that the people that can watch quality Zombie action every week on Walking Dead---don't actually expect a ton of zombies stalking the victims in the movie.

4.  The ending was very abrupt and Michael Shanks ---the one actor I actually know disappears from the story for a good 20 minutes near the end.  


The Good

1. If you like gore the movie once it got going actually delivers with numerous gory death scenes.  It did a good job of providing some nasty visual footage
and some interesting death scenes.  At this point I feel like I have seen everything that could be seen in a horror movie,  so if a film can deliver something disturbing that you haven't seen or show something you have seen already in an interesting way that is good.

The Ugly

These Toxic Avenger flesh eating mutants sure were ugly.

Here is the trailer

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Nine Miles Down 2009 7 out of 10

Nine Miles Down  2009   7 out of 10

A Security expert (played by Adrian Paul) is sent to check on a group of scientist in the desert that contact has been lost with.  Instead all he runs into is a hot blond and a mystery.   The experiment that scientists were working on was drilling into the Earth's crust and while doing so they unleashed something.  It may be a strange gas that is causing hallucinations or it may be a the gateway to hell.  Anyway things aren't quite what they seem and the movie does a pretty good job of making you constantly change your opinion of what is really going on.  The movie would have had a perfect ending if it had ended about 5 minutes earlier than it did,  but it felt like pulling and putting the rug out from underneath you a few more times.  It probably would have been an 8 out of 10 for me if it had ended at the right point.  Still it was an interesting movie that engaged my attention.

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Day of the Dead 2: Contagium 2005 1 out of 10 (Zombie Movie Review #2)

Day of the Dead 2 :Contagium  2005   1 out of 10

I recently posted a question on facebook asking how people would rank the top 5 Zombie movies of all-time.   Well let's just say that Day of the Dead 2:Contagium will not make the list.  This was by far one of the least entertaining, dull, silly and boring zombie movies I've ever seen.   I won't attempt to tell you what was good about the film, because I wouldn't be able to find anything redeeming about this flick.   It  focuses on a mental institution  that in the 1968 had a zombie outbreak as a result of an experiment into a chemical weapons.  The 1968 outbreak was contained, but the incompetent  government apparently could not find the one missing vial,  even though one of the modern day mental patients is able to find it many years later in broad daylight in a metal flask.    That is how this bad zombie movie starts.  They open it of course and start turning into weird hive mind like talking zombies with peeling skin.  One of them bites an evil hospital worker which begins the spread of the virus that turns everyone else in the hospital into typical zombies.  The plot was lame the acting was bad and silly and the zombies looked horrible (and not in a good way).   I don't know how or why this was able to use the title Day of the Dead 2 since it is not an official sequel to the original.   This movie is definitely at the bottom of any zombie movie list.   It was just a lazy and unispired effort.     

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Triangle 2009 6 out of 10

This first poster is pretty lame on the poster scale.....  Definitely wouldn't have convinced me to see it based on this.

Triangle  2009 6 out of 10

Triangle was just plain strange.  To talk about it at all would be to give away most of the plot.   I came across this movie and recorded in on the DVR off of Chiller TV based on the description,  which lead me to believe that it would be something along the lines of a Dead Calm type of movie.  Instead what I got was just a really strange, weird thriller.   It wasn't a great film, but it captured my attention enough that I felt the need to stick around to find out how it would end.   The movies stars Melissa George in the title role of a women that goes on a voyage with a couple of friends and ends up with some strange weather tossing them into the sea until they come across an old cruise ship floating around.  They board the cruise ship with no one on it and the strangeness begins.  They seem to be stuck in some form of weird limbo.   I give the movie some credit for trying something a little new and different with the convoluted storyline,  that may not fully make sense, but was at least interesting in its concept.

It basically plays out like a decent extended Twilight Zone episode with some elements of Momento as well.  

(Spoiler)

I guess the best way to describe it is Groundhog's Day except everything is bad and you can't change the outcome.  The trailer does a pretty good job of setting it up with really ruining it

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