Sharknado 5: Global Swarming 2017 (Spoilers)

Sharknado 5 : Global Swarming    2017  6 out of 10

It started as a simple movie about a Tornado filled with Sharks. The original was SO Terrible that it was GREAT.   It caused a phenomena and launched a franchise.    Ian Ziering probably took the original Sharknado as much needed paycheck,  little did he know that a few years later he would be the star of a franchise that would be on it's fifth movie with an ending that sets up a 6th film.

Sharknado 5 tries to take the simple concept of the original film and turn it into something much bigger.  This fifth installment tries to establish a mythology behind the Sharknados.  Until this film the Sharknados were just some weird random events (as far as we knew).  Sharknado 5 establishes a mythic back story that ties the Sharknados back to the time of the Droids and Egyptians?  

This installment falls into the same trap as the less than stellar second movie where there are so many cheesy cameos that it distracts from the movie itself.  I spent more of the movie trying to figure out who the people with the bad plastic surgery were as the "celebrity" cameos rolled by.   Fabio as the Pope??  Charo the Queen of England??  Greg Louganis as a part of some evil organization that is trying to get the Shark stone that was discovered at the beginning of the film in a parody of some scenes from Indiana Jones.  This movie is a series of bad puns.  "Sharks,  why does it have to always be Sharks?"  Ok so I laughed a little (Big Indy Fan).   No longer a simple shark/tornado movie it is now part spy film with secret organizations.   

The main plotline involves Finn's son being swept away in one of the Sharknados.  Finn(Ian Ziering)  and his now half robot wife (Tara Reid) spend most of the movie Jumping the Sharknado  or into the Sharknado trying to rescue their son.  The Sharknado opens some type of wormhole that dumps them in different spots all over the world.  It makes the previous films seem somewhat sane with the level of absurdity.    The third act of the film gets depressing as all of Finn's loved ones die.   The movie ends with Finn wandering around a post apocalyptic world looking for survivors.  Then all of a sudden Dolph Lundgren shows up and says that he is Finn's son. The film ends as a parody of Back to the Future with Dolph Lundgren getting Finn to get into his truck which is actually a time machine to go back and try and rescue everyone.   I thought the ending was funny, but this Sharknado effort did more than just jump the Shark it rode the shark down a staircase while punching it.

Of course I'll be there for Sharknado 6.  I have to find out what all this Dolph Lundgren time travel stuff is all about.  

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Dam Sharks 2016 5 out of 10

Dam Sharks!   2016  5 out of 10

Dam Sharks is just one of a slew of bad shark movies that premiered on Syfy this past weekend as a part of their Sharknado block of movies.    The fact that the sharks are in a river is briefly explained at the start of the movie.  A storm is shown washing over a model that looks like a 6th grade tidal display.   The fact that the sharks are building a dam out of human body parts isn’t explained what so ever.  The only reason for this behavior is that it gave the producers the excuse to call the movie Dam Sharks.

The plot:

A company retreat is going on along a river.  The CEO is trying to cheer up some employees to distract from the fact that he is about to fire over 70 employees.   The river is full of sharks so this company retreat is going to be a bloodbath.   We get scenes of people zip lining into sharks and getting attacked during team building raft race.  The movie is thin on plot and has the standard CGI Shark footage.  The logic of the characters in the film is as stupid as you would expect. They are so dumb that they all deserve to die.

Dumb Movie Characters moment of the film

After several characters have made it safely to shore after sharks attacked their raft  they decide to walk down a trail to get to the ranger station.    Of course they reach a point where the ranger station is on the other side of the river.  So it is decision time.  They can stay on the land on the road they are walking on or try and cross the log that goes across the Shark filled river.    Of course they choose to walk across the log.  Crossing a log over a river filled with sharks is the logical decision.   I won’t tell you what happens –but it doesn’t take the Scooby Doo Gang to figure out how this mystery turns out.  

In summary:   
It isn’t a good  bad shark movie. 
 It fails to be a SO BAD It IS GOOD shark movie….  But If you like me you need to see every single cheesy shark movie that comes out....then you may enjoy it.

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Our Podcast covering Dark City and Bad Shark Movies
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Zombie Shark 2015 3 out of 10

Zombie Shark 2015  3 out of 10

Zombie Shark was a boring bad shark movie.  It had some decent camera shots here and there--but was just dull as a whole.  Some friends decide to go to an vacation island for the weekend and end up getting attacked by sharks that are basically zombies.  Other than the catchy name of Zombie Shark --they really don't act or behave any different than regular sharks,  unless you count the fact that when they appear to be dead on the beach --they are actually just resting.  This movie tries to have serious dialogue scenes featuring the characters in the film that occasionally bring the movie to a grinding halt.  If you are making a movie called Zombie Shark --long character development scenes with characters talking about why their mom likes the younger sister better are just boring time wasting scenes that the audience could care less about. 

   The worst part of the movie is Jason London's "I don't really seem to care I'm in a movie acting."   He looked like a boring office worker --just showing up on Monday morning that hasn't had his coffee yet.  He brought this lackluster effort into every dull scene that he was in.  There are no laughs in Zombie Shark and even when the sharks start biting people and turning them into zombies there is really never any true tension in the film.     My opinion is to skip Zombie Shark and not be fooled by it's catchy title.   There are so many better bad shark movies to enjoy.

Here is my updated list that includes all 6 new 2015 bad shark movies that aired during Sharknado Week on Syfy channel

http://bradgeekness.blogspot.com/2012/11/guide-to-shark-movies-good-and-bad.html

Here is a Fan Made Trailer for Zombie Shark

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Guide to Shark Movies (Good and Bad) Updated Feb 9th 2019 (51 Shark Movies and counting) Sharknado 6 coming soon

Here is the complete list of Shark Movies that I have seen so far.

Below the list you will find links to some of the blogs on these shark movies. 

Here is Our Podcast covering Dark City and Bad Shark Movies
http://www.superfantasticterrific.com/super-fantastic-terrific-show-8-dark-city-shark-movies/


Jaws in a classic.... Deep Blue Sea the best modern day Shark Movie with one of the best death scenes ever......The rest---watch at your own risk......This is my list of the good .....and mostly the bad shark movies that I have seen......I will update this list as I see more bad shark movies.

JAWS  1975   10 out of 10

Deep Blue Sea   1999 8 out of 10

Sharknado 3 2015  8 out of 10

Roboshark  2015 8 out of 10    (SBIG)

Sharknado  2013  8 out of 10  (SBIG)

Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy  2005  8 out of 10 (SBIG)

Shark Attack 2  2000 7 out of 10  (SBIG)

Jaws 3 in 3-D  1983   7 out of 10

Open Water 2004  7 out of of 10

Sharknado 4  2016  7 out of 10 (SBIG)

Sharktopus  2010  6 out of 10  (SBIG)

3 Headed Shark Attack 2015   6 out of 10

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming  2017 6 out of 10

Atomic Shark 2016  6 out of 10 (SBIG)

Shark Killer 2015 6 out of 10

Megashark Vs Crocosaurus  2010   6 out of 10

Shark Swarm  2008    6 out of 10

Trailer Park Shark 2017 6 out of 10

Spring Break Shark Attack 2005   5 out of 10

Deep Blue Sea 2  2018 5 out of 10

Sand Sharks  2011  5 out of 10

Jersey Shore Shark Attack  2012  5 out of 10

Malibu Shark Attack 2009  5 out of 10

Dam Sharks 2016  5 out of 10

Santa Jaws 2018  5 out of 10

Ghost Shark 2013  5 out of 10

Toxic Shark 2017  4 out of 10

Nightmare Shark 2018 5 out of 10

Swamp Shark 2011  4 out of 10

Snow Sharks 2014 4 out of 10

Shark Attack 1999 4 out of 10

Ice Sharks 2016  4 out of 10


Shark Week 2012  4 out of 10

The Shallows  2016  3 out of 10

Empire of the Sharks 2017 3 out of 10

Frenzy  2018  3 out of 10

Planet of the Sharks 2016 3 out of 10

Megashark vs Giant Otopus 2009 3 out of 10

Jaws 2 1978   3 out of 10

Jaws 4: The Revenge  1987 3 out of 10

Shark Attack 3: Megaldon 2002  3 out of 10

Megashark vs Mechashark  2014 3 out of 10

Megashark vs Kolossus  2015 3 out of 10

2 Headed Shark Attack 2012  3 out of 10

6 Headed Shark Attack 2018  3 out of 10

Zombie Shark 2015  3 out of 10

Sharktopus vs Whalewolf 2015  3 out of 10

Super Shark 2011 3 out of 10

5 Headed Shark Attack 2017 2 out of 10

Shark Night 3-D  2011 2 out of 10

Megalodon 2018 1 out of 10 

Sharktopus

http://bradgeekness.blogspot.com/2011/08/shark-week-continues-sharktopus.html

Find out more about   Shark Attack 2 and Hammerhead Shark Frenzy below......2 So bad that they are Good Shark movies

http://bradgeekness.blogspot.com/2011/07/shark-movies-research-part-2-beach.html

Jaws 3 and 4  plus   Shark Swarm and Shark Attack 3 are talked about below

http://bradgeekness.blogspot.com/2011/06/shark-movies-research-movie-reviews.html


For more Shark action just search this blog for bad shark movies..

"Sand Sharks Why did it have to be Sand sharks"

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Must See TV : Jersey Shore Shark Attack Trailer

I guess the Sharks like their victims tanned orange.

Movie review will be up tomorrow night  June 10th 2012

Shark Movies (The Research Part 2--The Beach Party Movies

 The Beach Party Movies 

The Big Beach Party and my little Land Shark attack  and Shark Theme --was all a part of the Attack of the Land Shark Project.....so finally I got around while sitting at home sick today to put together my review of the 2 movies that were shown at the party....I was going to  try and catch up on some movie reviews  since while laying in bed the last 2 days falling asleep during movies because of Leftover Turkey overdoses...I watched about 5 movies....But i felt i had to get this old promised blog out of the way first..  So  I give you  Shark Attack 2  and  Hammerhead:Shark Frenzy -----the best of the bad Shark movies......SO BAD its GOOD!

Hammerhead Shark Frenzy  2005  8 out of 10

NETFLIX  Description:   Kicked out of the mainstream scientific community as punishment for his wild ideas, a brilliant scientist has set up shop on a remote island, where he conducts experiments in stem cell research and DNA manipulation. But his most recent experiment -- a hybrid creation that's half man, half shark and able to hunt for food on both land and sea -- is a real killer. And the only way to stop it is to destroy it. Jeffrey Combs and William Forsythe star.

 2:40 seconds in we already have Jeffrey Combs (veteran cheesy horror movie actor --think Reanimator---in a goofy mustache—and another scientist saying "Now he is more Shark than Human"

Half-man half shark enough said…Human experimentation….. Mutant babies….Good (bad stuff)….

Yet again the most random stock footage of sharks that doesn't in any way match up with the Man in the rubber Godzilla suit Hammerhead man shark and some goofy digital shark effects thrown in

The crazy Dr. invites the investors to show off his experiments progress and things go terribly wrong of course…The weird thing is this movie turns more into a low budget action movie—with the director wishing he was Michael Bay and blowing up whatever he could….

"I don't feel very safe up here" Sharks don't walk on dry land" ---or so you think---but halfman half sharks do..

Combs has a slew of great Evil Scientist lines like

"Don't worry, my son. There's plenty of time to feast. "

Amelia Lockhart: You're going to impregnate me? Dr. Preston King: No.
[looks at the hammerhead shark in the tank] Dr. Preston King: He is.

"Where there is a chopper there is usually a radio" 

This movie is so terrible that it is great.... The Half man/Half Shark.. always seems to be near them whenever they are near any body of water....The story is all over the place --like the director just wanted certain scenes regardless of whether they made sense plot wise....  a True Camp classic  --with Jeffrey Combs doing his best performance since Reanimator

The Hero is a sweaty old guy that would normally be like a guy with one line dressed as a security guard in most other movies

Now on to the Shark movie that rips off every other shark movie

Shark Attack 2  2000   7

NETFLIX Description:    A biological experiment goes awry once again, this time releasing a gaggle of mutated great white sharks with a taste for human flesh. Shark expert Nick Harris (Thorsten Kaye) is on the case soon enough, leading a crew to study the underwater monsters and eventually bring them back into captivity. But Harris's plans hit a snag when rival Australian shark hunter Roy Bishop (Daniel Alexander) is called in to tame the menace.

There is blood in the water the movie starts out with you guessed it a Shark Attack …2 Girls are scuba diving one gets shanked by a shark..

You see Water World is set to open in 7 days ----And this movie is about to rip off every shark movies ever made before it…

We are going to need a bigger boat --It's only a model

"Do know what kinda of media attention we could get with a Great White --Talk about a Star attraction)  (Jaws 3 Rip-off)

This movie has some Great/Bad Writing "Like Dangling a carrot in front of a donkey"

The greedy owner –orders the shark feed during opening –guy falls in and gets chomped

Followed by more Jaws 3 Ripoff---The Australian Shark Hunter Arrives

Hey they caught the wrong Shark (Jaws Rip-off)

Then we find out the sharks are genetically mutated (Deep Blue Sea)

48  minutes in the Jaws scenario arises (Yes they urge them to close the beaches --but "You want me to shut down the beaches…..What about the surf competition ----I'm not going to go to the sponsors to tell them to cancel because we have mutant sharks –this is insane" Exactly

Now we move to the surf competition or Chum..    Here are the main characters sitting on the beach waiting for the carnage to begin

At 1 hr we get the classic "Out of the water –there are sharks " Yell It's a surfer Smorgasbord

1 hr and  8 minutes  in they share shark scar tales ----(yet another Jaws rip-off)

Here is a shot from the stupid lets go down in shark cages segment

There is a daring rescue scene on a jet ski  narrowly avoiding the plastic shark

All in all---this movie effectively rips off  every shark movie ever made.....Good   (really bad stuff)

Here is the trailer 

  --if you like SO Bad they are good movies......check out these 2  from the shark genre.

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