Since the new one just hit theaters and despite being a really good Conan movie tanking at the box office. (For my thoughts on that movie go here.)
I thought it was the only way to kick off Arnold Week on my movie page. On Friday as a part of the Senseless Banter Podcast I do with my friend Russell we talked a little Arnold. So why not have an Arnold Week. Shark Week was so much fun...And when Arnold does that agony pose in all his films he is just as menacing.
Conan the Barbarian 1982 9+ out of 10
R Rated Conan-- Bloody, Gory and Violent. The way Conan should be. Arnold seeks and gets Revenge on Darth Vader (James Earl Jones) who plays the snake cult leader that murdered his parents when he was just a child. Child no more Arnold struts around with Steroid Arms yielding a sword and screaming Crom about everything. Some great action scenes. Watch the Drunken sounding DVD commentary track for this movie it is almost as equally entertaining an experience as Arnold and the director recall a film that neither of them has seen in decades. "Exactly" says Arnold about 100 times....
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan! What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
Mongol General: That is good! That is good.
Conan: Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!
Conan the Destroyer 1984 9 out of 10
A more PG Conan (in a failed attempt to get a bigger audience).
There were supposed to be 3 Conan Movies but after this one the third one never surfaced. It was cheesy the infamous mirror scene for example with the villian in the terrible halloween mask is laughable. But it was still fun. Arnold vs Wilt.. Oliva D'abo as the princess. Arnold turning ordinary lines into classic lines with with broken English. This movie also has a silly wizard dual that sounds like the 2 wizards are taking dumps. The Conan books that followed this film by Robert Jordan were all great...and once Lord of the Rings was possible I longed for a new journey into this vibrant Conan world.
A couple of great qoutes
Jehnna: I suppose nothing hurts you.
Conan: Only pain.
Malak: Why are they trying to kill us?
Conan: Maybe they want to capture us, and torture us to death.
Drunken Conan " Lot on your knife"
Conan the Destroyer Trailer
We Discuss Arnold in our latest Senseless Banter Podcast here